Everything cheap...........

Today I was able to visit with a nutritionist, who has opened my eyes to my new way of life.

Let me tell ya, this is NOT going to be easy, for example, I  went to the Dutch Market, and had to refrain from getting any candy, pretzel dogs, and all the good stuff those Mennonites make that are bad for you-yet they are mostly thin-and go straight for the turkey bacon.

It was one of the most liberating, aggravating, uplifting, felt-like-I-was-touched (in the bad way), experiences of my new life. Granted my so-called new life has only been 3 days old, but none the less, new life. My nutritionist, asked me to list ALL the foods I was eating before my diagnosis, and I was embarrassed. On the flip side of that coin, it really let me know how much garbage I was eating, I mean I was just a skip and a hop away from describing the dumpster out back of any of your local fast food joints, and by "skip and a hop" I mean wrappers, and bathroom trash, not the fat, the fat I ate. At any rate,  it made me realize that I have to take charge of what goes into my body.  I would like to make sure everyone who reads this knows that , no matter how cheap the Dollar menu at any fast food place seems, it will cost you in the long run. It may not be immediate, and "we are all young", and "we will live forever", and "this will never happen to me," but let's face it- It DID happen to me,  and now I am paying the price, monetarily- sure I mean it costs money to go see the doctor, no matter how good of insurance coverage you have, but mostly physically, and surprise-EMOTIONALLY. So please know that you will pay for that $1 McDouble someway somehow, like my father always said, nothing in this life is free. And everything cheap, comes with a price, you don't always pay for it after the time of purchase.

She showed me ways and tools to use in order to eat better, and make sure that I have a good quality of life from now on. She gave me pamphlets, worksheets, and the best advise she gave was to make sure I visit this website : American Diabetes Association. They have all the information you will need now that you have been diagnosed. She was very accepting, and let me know that before we are anything in this world, a husband, a son, a sister, a person, we are HUMAN, and humans make mistakes. The most important thing I can say, is that yes, I have cried  A LOT for the past three days, but you know what? I can't place blame on anyone, yes this whole thing sucks, but honestly as they say " you can't choose family"-or their genetics! (they leave that part out)  if you feel like crying go have yourself a good ol' fashion cry.  But know that your life is NOT over, you just need to make some modifications. She let me know that I should always shoot for the healthier choice, and that in a while my taste buds would change. The worst thing you can do is deprive yourself from the foods you love, literally, I have an emotional attachment to food, it comforts me, food never talks back-or so I thought, now the bitch won't shut up! Sorry, I just had a thought of a burger screaming at me, HA! Instead you should listen to your brain and just pick the healthier choice, because we all know that people who do these fad diets, do them, look AMAZE-balls for about 3-4 months, and then what happens when they taste that delicious 5 guys burger? THEY GAIN IT ALL BACK! and then what else? A FEW MORE POUNDS CAME? AND THEY ARE STAYING?! yeah that's what happens, when I did the whole Fat-est looser, sorry, Biggest looser with work, I lost weight yeah, Yeah i did! but then it all came back and it doubled. So now I will just make sure to exercise and follow the plan my nutritionist and I came up with together, no starvation, just better choices. This is not something I "have" to do, this is something I am choosing to do, because it is the right this to do.


Although today was a "triumph" with my nutritionist, I will be completely honest.......I have been very emotional. I was able to go celebrate one of my closest friend baby's baptism, he's a little man who makes me smile every time I see him, I got to spend time with him, and my friends who are my family, I love them all so much. I decided to let them know about my diagnosis, and they were very supportive,  and that's why I love them. I also got to go meet the newest member of my extended family, he is adorable. Actually all my friends who know, have been nothing but assuring, accommodating, and just plain wonderful. With that said, I had a hard  afternoon, and I am still having a hard time. I have cried a little, felt tired, and felt a bit discouraged. I keep telling myself this has to be normal, this is a lot to take in, and I know that now. I am blessed with a wonderful partner, Jennifer, she is my whole world, and I will keep my head up for her, she is the most selfless, caring, loving, ridiculously smart in a she's-right-all-the-time-way,  beautiful woman in the world (I know everyone says that about their wives, but this time is true! Seriously ask ANYONE-she knows that is) I also have my two four legged sons, who are part of that world, and I love them like they are my children, and those of you who know me know that yeah I treat them like babies, they are my babies wanna see?
<The one on the right is Kai, and he is 4 and an angel, and the one on the left is Neko, he is 2 and well not so much an angel, but he is my little rascal. and this..........................

That little lady there, is my wife, she is the love of my life, and for her I will keep on keepin' on as they say, so yes today was a good and bad day, but it was my day, and so when I get down, I think of her, my boys, and my friends and family who will, without a doubt, push me to beat this thing.  I know this journey will be full of challenges, and hurdles to jump, and things to over come,  I mean otherwise it wouldn't be a "journey" right? It would be a................Defeat. Never give up on yourself, you are the only one that can truly know how you are feeling and today, I felt the ups and downs, and I mean S!*t, It has only been 3 days, the shock hasn't worn off I don't think, but it will. It will get better, I refuse to let my fears stop me from reaching my goals, and I have these three to answer to, and when she is mad...........

So friends I know, friends I will make, friends I haven't met and probably never will, this was MY today.......tomorrow will be better, IT'S LAZY SUNDAY after all!

Diagnosis

Well where can I start?................Friends those of you who know me, have known me as the funny fat kid, for many many years, well...this fat kid has been diagnosed with the Di-ya-Be-tus, now I know these are news, that are not to be taken lightly, but before we get into all that, I guess I should start by letting you know how I found out......thus The Matheus Journey (<-------ha! see what I did there?)

So a few months ago, I was lucky enough to get a government job, that's right folks, I am now a public servant, but don't go crazy and say things like "my taxes pay your salary" that's just not true, I am a tax-paying resident of this state so guess what I'll say to that?......I PAY MY OWN SALARY! If that is the case, I will have to give myself a raise pretty soon-I digress. (those of you tuning in, I have a bit of the ADD so just bare with me). Given my employer, I was able to sign up for pretty good health insurance, so what was the first thing I thought I should do? Well I just turned 30, and I figured that I should go see a doctor and make sure that I was in good shape. I also decided that I should see a new doctor, because the family practice my wife and I had been attending for the past few years, was well........MEAN!  A co-worker of mine recommended I go see the practice she attends, she spoke highly of them, and so I made an appointment. My doctor was very nice, patient, and had a great bed side manner. I guess this is the part where I should mention that I am a HUGE hypochondriac, so I appreciate a doctor who does not just dismiss everything I think I have (which is  A LOT!)

She asked about my family history, and I let her know about my father's side, and my mom. I got blood pressure taken and all the good stuff, and she side stepped over the "weight issue" which was outstanding in my opinion. I then proceeded to have blood drawn, 7 little glass things were filled with my blood, the dramatic side of me thought I would black out, but it also looked like I was being drained for "V". (Trueblood reference), I left the office and she said "you will get your results in 5 days, unless we see something that requires immediate attention." My mind was racing of course, "well I'll get a call in a day I'm sure of it," I thought.  And I did, I got a call 3 days after my visit, and she wanted to see me as soon as possible.

So here we are, I am back at the doctors, nervous as hell, wishing my wonderful wife could be by my side, but she could not slip out of work. I wait for what seems 100 years, but it was 20 minutes, and she comes in, happy, but I can hear the concern in her voice. "How are you?" she says. "Freaked out to be honest," I reply. "Well you should be a little, I am sorry to tell you that you have type 2 Diabetes"

At that moment, I thought I was going to die, yes......die. Again, you know because of the hypochondriac side of me. Also all the "oh yeah she died because of the diabetes," or, "complications, well mostly because of the diabetes" stuff like that was going through my mind a mile a minute, I could barely hear what the doctor was telling me. It is scary stuff folks, to be told that you have a disease that you have only heard horrifying stories about, including close family members who lost their battle with diabetes. But guess what? My uncle Douglas, never took care of himself, he was a smoker, with a sweet tooth. I loved him dearly and I always thought that diabetes killed him, but no, his lifestyle did. Yes diabetes didn't exactly HELP, but ultimately this was up to him, and now it is up to me.

I am educating myself on how to live my life, and my amazing wife is by my side, preparing, weighing and labeling meals, I love her so much. She is my rock, and my purpose for living. We had a moment of weakness where we both cried, and held each other, but then we said, "WE ARE THE MATHEUS DAMN IT! " -sorry mom for the cursing- and we will face this together, and for that, I am devoted to making this my push to eat healthy, which I should have been doing all along, instead of eating like a garbage can, and become more active.

Luckily my workplace is very diverse, means spending the day with extremely supportive, strong sassy ladies, with diabetes who express their concern, but also offer their advise, which has made this week bearable. I had to start medication to bring my sugar levels to normal and the first few days I did not feel like myself, but my desk mate said, that it will get better, and I believe her, it will........it has to.

With this, I begin my journey for the next three months to make sure I loose weight, and eat healthy so I can get off medication as per my Doctor, I thought that blogging about it would be therapeutic, which it is, but also, I hope maybe I can share my story and maybe help someone. I have always used humor to as my shield, and believe me this time will be no different, but I will make sure to stay honest, I will share my fears, my triumphs and my letdowns. Hope you will tune in, please feel free to comment, ask questions, and so on. More to come!