Music.....My Therapy

Ahhh, Christmas Day. A day where the stress of shopping, family gatherings, and way too much eating comes to an end.

What are the Matheus up to you ask? We are laying on our couch, in our PJ's watching Star Wars Revenge of the Sith. That's right, my wife is awesome. Also she's never seen the series....And Even though I TRIED to make her watch in the CORRECT order...she refused. Alas, we have to pick our battles. Right?

In order for us to overcome any type of obstacles in life, we must find a method that works for us. Each person is unique, which means each of us, has different coping mechanisms, it could be reading, meditating...uh EATING (ME and it's killing me, literally, my GERD, IBS, Diabetes....I love food so much, but it wants me in the Friend zone, and I just won't get the hint. It's telling me "hey, we can be cool, but I don't really want to hang out all the time) ,   cooking, hanging with friends,  exercising (one that I MUST start doing this upcoming year, but like seriously, NOT in the "my-new-years-resolution" kind of way)-by the way, people who say " oh I just LOVE to exercise, I get such a high" let me tell you this, I want to punch you in the face! Mostly because I'm jealous, but also because DON'T TELL ME THAT WHEN I'M EATING MY CHIPOTLE BURRITO!............

I have been going to therapy for my anxiety for a month or two, and it has helped. I have learned that in order for me to overcome this obstacle, I should try to do it in 4 equal parts;

Part 1-Therapy, which has helped immensely. I was very apprehensive about it, it seemed so narcissist to PAY someone to talk about yourself, but after going, I must admit that I LOVE it. It is freeing, to speak to someone about your darkest fears, and see no judgment. It was a new experience, things that I have always secretly worried about, I was able to say out loud, and know it sounded ridiculous, that alone helps. 

Part 2-Medication- the oh so controversial method that everyone and their mother (My Mother) has an opinion about. I am not too keen on being on Xanax, but hey, you have to do what you have to do. If you have a headache, you take Advil, if you have IBS you take a Pepcid, if you have an infection, you take an antibiotic, and so on and so forth, and what have you. Mental health, is the same. You can only try to do so much yourself, before you have to give in and try the not-so accepted way. I take when needed, and sometimes it is needed more than others. The holidays are a stressful time for everyone, so of course, I have had a few episodes where I've had to take my full dose, take a minute and regroup. It is working, and I am only using it as needed. 

Part 3-Excersise- BLAH! Anxiety comes from an over dose of adrenaline, and your mind running wild. Exercising helps you get rid of some of that pent up energy that your body stores. AGAIN, I will work on it. 

Part 4-Religion; now this is the part that gets tricky....See I'm not a religious person. I believe in God,  yes. I believe in Jesus (Christ not any of my relatives) However, I am not one to go to church every week. My understanding of Religion is that as long as God is aware of your intentions, and that you DO love him, you don't need to worship every single week in a room filled with other people who judge you. My form of Religion since I was a child, has always been Music....WHAAAAAAATTTTTT?!

Music, doesn't judges us. Music moves me. Music relaxes me. Music excites me. Music is one of the best parts of life, in my opinion. I like most types of music, some country, some rock, some folksy type stuff. I have my favorite artists, everyone does. I like Jason Mraz who is my favorite male singer, other than Michael Buble (Christmas time). But ANYONE who really knows me knows how much I adore My Queen.......Beyonce. (it's cool guys my wife knows I love her, she knows she comes first and Beyonce is a VERY close second)

Two weeks ago I woke up to a text from a friend, who is also a huge fan, that said....SURPRISE ALBUM! WAKE UP! It was 1:30 in the morning, I half woke up, looked at iTunes, saw that it was $17, and clicked buy, went back to sleep. I woke up to this.....

Granted, Lady GaGa, Britney Spears, and other pop artists have "dropped" albums this year, however, B never did any type of publicity for this one, she just said "surprise" and put it out, along with 17 videos. You have to respect the cockiness behind this tactic. After listening and watching her vision, you will not only respect her, but love her more as an artist.  Some of us are able to see music, we close our eyes, and sense the mood, and tone the track sets. In this project, she showed all her fans, and haters (I know there are a few out there that are reading this now), that music IS art. Something that has gotten lost through the generations due to the way music labels treat us as sheep.  Everyone relax, I'm not going to sit here, and go track by track, which I COULD, but know that this album is THE best she has ever put out. She is vocally gifted, and has the fierce stage presence to back it up. 

Music has been my religion, I am able to appreciate what artist do. I love to sing, and respect singers who use their gift and challenge their range. Music takes me to my "happy" place. When I am feeling anxious, and can be alone. I put on my headphones, and just let the music take over. I tune into the beats, the vocal arrangements, the message and I am able to escape for a while. When I am working out (which I have done) Music is my motivator, I love to listen to upbeat tunes whilst I do cardio, and ballads while I wind down. 

You must find that thing in life that is "yours." Everyone says "do your thing," and that thing should be something that makes you happy, and is able to take you away from your problems, your worries, and demands of life. umm Let me be clear.....NOT DRUGS OR ALCOHOL GUYS! That is NEVER the answer!!!!  I have a great support system, my wife, my family, my friends, and my music. The things I cannot live without. 

Go enjoy the rest of your Christmas Day! I appreciate you reading, your comments, and love give me the strength I need to overcome these obstacles. Diabetes, Anxiety, weight loss, whatever it is, find your way to cope, and your motivator! 

Another year.......

It is hard to believe that we are almost at the end of 2013. It seems like just yesterday we were all celebrating January 1st, and breaking all those new years resolutions, due to hangovers and weak constitutions. I mean who needs to get skinny, right?! Well, that time of  year is once more upon us, and I would like to take this time to reflect  on the past 365 days.   Who am I kidding? I barely remember last week, but like so many, there are moments that stick out in your mind, they may be happy times, sad times, anxious times, A.D.D. times, anxious times, happy times....wait.

As always I am thankful for my family, and my friends, who I love. I would not be here today if it weren't for the support of my loved ones. This past year has been one of the toughest years of my life.  

Last year, I was diagnosed with Diabetes, whomp whomp.....THIS year I realized that little feeling I've felt most of my life was not nerves, but anxiety. So a hypochondriac, anxious diabetic, yup that's me! sounds like fun, right? well? It is NOT! Growing up in an environment where every little thing can kill you, and every disease you hear about in the news is just waiting to lurk its way into your body can make every day  life,  a little harder. My whole life I've been a "worrier." I worried about the usual things...will I ever find a good job? will I stop waiting tables...EVER? will I ever find someone who loves the crazy person I am?  I'm at a stage in my life where, I have a great job, I have an amazing wife, and we are doing well. So since I don't have to worry about my career, or my love life, what's the next thing? oh yeah MY HEALTH! so I've been super focused on it, and obviously think everything under the sun is going to kill me, including the sun. Beware of the sun boys and girls, it isn't your friend. Or is it? Another rant...........where was I? Oh yeah.  

In the hispanic culture, (yes for those of you who forgot, I am hispanic, I forget it myself, at times)-Mental health is not something that is accepted. I should say that my family is understanding, however, at times where I feel like I've lost my battle and need a moment, they say, "come on Miguel, that's all mental" uh no DUH! I know! but unfortunately, what your mind tells you is happening, is your reality. So when my heart is racing, and I feel like I'm dying, and my mind is telling me, "this is it, you're going to die, today, right here" then that's when the ambulance comes, and it passes. This has happened 4 times this year. I have gone to the hospital, I have taken an ambulance, I have had numerous tests, EKG's, Stress Tests, cat scans, and no I'm not dying from a heart attack, and no, I'm not dying from a stroke. The first few times, it was hard to tell, now that I have been seeing a therapist, and have been put on anxiety medication, it has become a little easier....not completely, but definitely more bearable. Today for example, I was at the mall, doing some light shopping with my wife, at my favorite store no less "Apple" and I was having a little anxious moment, it was a mix of indigestion from the greasy sandwich I had for breakfast (Hey i'm not perfect, ok? yeah I have IBS and GERD and have to take prescription medicine for my Reflux, but I LOVE FOOD-----I'm working on it) and adrenaline. I sat there, while we waited for a Genius, and talked myself down. After a few hours of shopping, I was able to get out of that state of mind. Yes I had heart burn, and NO I was not dying. It is those things that I have to keep telling myself, I have to keep a more strict diet, and I will soon....you know Maybe January 1st. One resolution that I WILL try to keep this upcoming year, is writing my blog. It is a way for me to put out what I'm feeling, and release it. Not sure if it will help anyone else ever, but it helps me. I appreciate you reading this, the next entry will be funnier.  I promise. 

To 2014! may all of your wishes come true, and may you keep your resolutions past January 1st at 12 pm when all you want is a greasy  5 Guys burger! Make sure to call ahead! It will be a busy day for them!