As always I am thankful for my family, and my friends, who I love. I would not be here today if it weren't for the support of my loved ones. This past year has been one of the toughest years of my life.
Last year, I was diagnosed with Diabetes, whomp whomp.....THIS year I realized that little feeling I've felt most of my life was not nerves, but anxiety. So a hypochondriac, anxious diabetic, yup that's me! sounds like fun, right? well? It is NOT! Growing up in an environment where every little thing can kill you, and every disease you hear about in the news is just waiting to lurk its way into your body can make every day life, a little harder. My whole life I've been a "worrier." I worried about the usual things...will I ever find a good job? will I stop waiting tables...EVER? will I ever find someone who loves the crazy person I am? I'm at a stage in my life where, I have a great job, I have an amazing wife, and we are doing well. So since I don't have to worry about my career, or my love life, what's the next thing? oh yeah MY HEALTH! so I've been super focused on it, and obviously think everything under the sun is going to kill me, including the sun. Beware of the sun boys and girls, it isn't your friend. Or is it? Another rant...........where was I? Oh yeah.
In the hispanic culture, (yes for those of you who forgot, I am hispanic, I forget it myself, at times)-Mental health is not something that is accepted. I should say that my family is understanding, however, at times where I feel like I've lost my battle and need a moment, they say, "come on Miguel, that's all mental" uh no DUH! I know! but unfortunately, what your mind tells you is happening, is your reality. So when my heart is racing, and I feel like I'm dying, and my mind is telling me, "this is it, you're going to die, today, right here" then that's when the ambulance comes, and it passes. This has happened 4 times this year. I have gone to the hospital, I have taken an ambulance, I have had numerous tests, EKG's, Stress Tests, cat scans, and no I'm not dying from a heart attack, and no, I'm not dying from a stroke. The first few times, it was hard to tell, now that I have been seeing a therapist, and have been put on anxiety medication, it has become a little easier....not completely, but definitely more bearable. Today for example, I was at the mall, doing some light shopping with my wife, at my favorite store no less "Apple" and I was having a little anxious moment, it was a mix of indigestion from the greasy sandwich I had for breakfast (Hey i'm not perfect, ok? yeah I have IBS and GERD and have to take prescription medicine for my Reflux, but I LOVE FOOD-----I'm working on it) and adrenaline. I sat there, while we waited for a Genius, and talked myself down. After a few hours of shopping, I was able to get out of that state of mind. Yes I had heart burn, and NO I was not dying. It is those things that I have to keep telling myself, I have to keep a more strict diet, and I will soon....you know Maybe January 1st. One resolution that I WILL try to keep this upcoming year, is writing my blog. It is a way for me to put out what I'm feeling, and release it. Not sure if it will help anyone else ever, but it helps me. I appreciate you reading this, the next entry will be funnier. I promise.
To 2014! may all of your wishes come true, and may you keep your resolutions past January 1st at 12 pm when all you want is a greasy 5 Guys burger! Make sure to call ahead! It will be a busy day for them!
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