It is simply hard to believe that we have already celebrated the 4th of July for this year. It seems like just yesterday, we were ringing in the new year, making those break-on-January-1st-resolutions. All that aside, I celebrated America's Birthday with my family. You know the kind of family you pick, my best friends!
These people make my life something special, we spent the day having delicious food at Casa De Hoatz, we hung out with all of our favorite people, and then headed to the park to watch the fireworks with the kids. The kids took the picture, don't we look perfect? then they made us take one like this................"Make silly faces!"
Nothing more American than cheese burgers, potato salad, ribs, beer, fat, fat, fat, fat, fatty-fat-fat foods! And yes my judgmental readers, I ATE IT ALL!........remember that Judgy Wudgy was a bear!
July is filled with weekends of being super fat, and I love it! Yes, I have been keeping an eye on my health. I take my sugar levels about twice a day and they have been normal. I have not gained any weight (according to my doctor's scale, which has become my new best friend, we talk all day every day) The fact is, I was diagnosed with this thing, and I was taken off medication because I worked hard at it. So if you only live once, as Jimmy Brooks says, then you must be able to treat yourself. (Jimmy Brooks is Drake; Amanda Bynes' vagina murderer, now come on Keep up!)
In the midst of all the birthday celebrations, I had decided to apply for a new position at work. It is a long process, but the news have finally come in............I GOT IT! I will officially begin my new post as court room clerk at the end of this month. I am very excited, anxious, nervous, but very very excited. I have been able to achieve quite a few goals in my professional life in the past couple of years, Went from being a server to managing a restaurant, very very briefly, to breaking into the law firm game, and not working in the court room, I am very proud. (this covers the portion of "Accomplishment" in the title)
Which of course brings us to the "Anxiety" part of the program. Yesterday I experienced one of the scariest most intense anxiety attacks of my whole life. I know I am a bit dramatic, but guys.........this was no joke. I usually go for a walk when I sense the attack creeping its way in, and so I did the same yesterday. I started to feel a little out of it about an hour after lunch, so I kept trying to calm myself down, but instead the panic sunk in. I started to loose my senses, I felt like I could not hear anything, then I felt extremely dizzy and I started seeing black spots. At this point, I was all alone, and did not know what to do. I felt like I was drowning and dying all at the same time. Short of breath, disoriented I stumbled into a barber shop near my job where a lonely Asian lady sat, and I said "please help me! I think I need an ambulance" Guys, she look like she didn't understand a word I was saying, I kept asking for help, and she wouldn't move, she kept looking out and had a scared face like "this latin man is going to rob me" I threw my wallet at her and asked her for water. I called 911, and incoherently gave them my location. I apparently hung up, I do not remember that, then walked back into work, dazed and short of breath, still not being able to see straight and feeling like I was close to blacking out. 911 called me back and said the ambulance was outside. I went out to meet them still feeling like I couldn't breathe, or speak, see or hear. The EMT's were talking to me and put me in the ambulance to make sure I wouldn't pass out. They tested my sugar, and it had dropped low, which they say explains why I felt like I was dying. They advised that I should eat a cookie (SCORE) and to go see my doctor as soon as possible and discuss my options on how to control my anxiety.
I met with my doctor today, and we talked for a while. She said that all my vitals are normal, and the reason for panic attacks is due to control. I have to learn how to control my mind, and tell it that we are not going to die! ("we" meaning me myself and my stupid over controlling brain) So now I am a diabetic with anxiety, I am here, I am scared and nervous and oh yeah..........ANXIOUS. I have been referred to a therapist, and will discuss my options with her, once we meet. I will keep you guys posted! Thank you for reading! Pass it along! Comment! and so on and so forth!
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